I Wish I May...

As a little girl, I remember the excitement of seeing a shooting star.  I remember the old nursery rhyme:

Star light, star bright,

The first star I see tonight;

I wish I may, I wish I might,

Have the wish I wish tonight.

I so desperately wish I could go back a few months and be granted a mulligan.  Some people deserve mulligans and I nominate myself to receive one.  There are numerous things I would do the same and very few things I would change.  Being naive about pregnancy is one of the things I would want to do over. By naive I mean, thinking we were having a little girl to take home, to nurture, to share the rest of our lives with, until the day we die.  Isn't that how life is suppose to go?  Apparently, for my dear husband and me, it is not.   

It's been just over a month since my life has turned into a gut-wrenching, heartbreaking nightmare and I don't know when or if it's ever going to stop.  I tell myself it will get better, but my heart begs to differ.  You see, my heart is empty, my arms are empty and I am without my first born.  Our little girl, the life we so proudly created... Our little star, Stella.

As a little girl I don't think I could ever imagine feeling such heartache.  Even as an adult, I never imagined life could be this difficult.  Why do bad things happen to good people?  Wouldn't we all like to know...   

If only wishes really do come true...  I wouldn't be sitting here wishing for my baby girl to be cradled in my arms.  I wouldn't be wishing I could tell her 'I love you' one more time.